My life changed in 2012, everything changed. As my marriage ended, I started to see things in a new light. I wasn’t as naive as I was before, I suddenly came to realize not everyone around me had good intentions. I started to see things I had never seen before.
I look back on it now and it’s like watching my life from a distance, a far off place where all of these things didn’t really happen to me. I have spent the last several years dealing with one conflict after another, church leaders who reeked of immorality and legal battles that would never end. I finally came to realize there are people in this world that do not want me to succeed. They do not want me to “make it” in fact, they’re banking on me to fail.
They watch, they wait, they can’t wait.
Knowing these things stalled my vision, it ripped a part my calling in a way. I couldn’t see things clear, I had to hide out a bit, regroup. I’ve spent the last few years quietly running a produce co-op in my town, working online and taking a break from many media appearances and speaking engagements. At least, a break in comparison to what I used to do.
Earlier this summer, I started to feel change. You see, a seed was planted inside of me many years ago. A calling, a vision, a plan for my life bigger than myself. That seed had been watered, it had been well taken care of however, in these last few years that seed saw famine.
Famine is a horrible thing, it sucks out life, it brings cracks where there was once wholeness. Famine can destroy if you’re not careful, if you don’t prepare. Praise God for the years of preparation I had before the famine hit me and even though it was hard and even though I have felt somewhat disillusioned at times, I have always felt life inside of me.
And, there I was, exercising outside, listening to my worship music when I felt the rain begin to fall again. I felt change.
I had been hiding out, waiting on the clouds to part and a loud voice to tell me to move forward, to move on and start again. I needed a loud voice to tell me I’m ready. Instead, I heard a small voice in my heart say, “you’ll never be ready, just go.”
So, here I am, Lord, use me. (Isaiah 6:8)
I’ve been broken in this life. I have felt pain, I have felt the sting of hate from those I do not even know.
I am not perfect, while I have an internal drive of a perfectionist personality, I do realize I am not perfect and I will fail.
And, I’ll never be ready. You’ll never be ready. We’ll never be ready.
If we were ready all the time, why would we need God? Why would we need to depend on someone bigger than us?
The truth is, we were not called to hide out, we were not called to be afraid or let the opinions and thoughts of other people control us. We were called to be a light in the darkness, a voice in the midst of the despair of this life. We were called to change the world even if it’s just our world.
Step out, even if you don’t feel ready, step out. It isn’t up to us to feel ready, God is ready and that’s all that really matters anyway.
I’m going to do what I’m called to do. I’m going to do it whether you like it or not, whether you agree with it or not, whether you post about it on Facebook or not. I’m going to be who God has called me to be whether it gets “likes,” “shares” or “retweets.”
I am not going to live another minute of my life controlled by other people’s opinions, thoughts or made up stories. I am going to live by the grace of God and follow the calling in my heart. Popularity is not the end goal here, the goal is to point people to Christ. That’s it. You don’t like it? Find another blog to follow.
Sarah Ann is an author, speaker and media personality committed to honesty, vulnerability and authenticity. She has a passion for empowering people who are willing to be honest and walk out life in Christ together. Sarah holds a Bachelors in Biblical Studies and a Masters in Theology and Apologetics, she also owns a clothing company, Ascent516.com and is the creator of SarahAnnSpeaks.com and the Sarah Ann Speaks Podcast. Sarah is featured daily on GEB TV.
Anna Marie PenixPosted at 22:35h, 20 October
WOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Let’s gooooooooo! 🙂