Dealing with Divorce as a Believer

Everybody Has Something to Say

Dealing with Divorce as a Believer

I started the Dealing with Divorce as a Believer series awhile back and totally failed on continuing it. If you have been through a divorce then you know that sometimes the pain, legal trouble, etc can be an ongoing process. Because of that, I wanted to make sure that I was through a few more trials and thinking clearly before I posted again.

Well, today is the day. I’ve been thinking about this post for awhile, in fact, I’ve written it and deleted it a few times. This time, I promised myself I’m going to hit the publish button before I even look it over so, here’s hoping there are no spelling errors. 🙂

There is one thing that I truly struggled with the most in the beginning of my divorce and it has flared up a few times since so I thought I’d mention it. When my divorce started, I was on TV every single day in cities all over the country. I taught sold out workshops all the time and lived a small yet public life. All that is great, until something private goes wrong.

I can’t tell you how many nights I spent awake trying to figure out if I’d lose my job or if people would start hating me because of what was happening in my home. Sometimes life forces you to make decisions that you never wanted to make.

I grew up in church, I have a bible degree, I’m “that” person. I never snuck out at night, I cringe at bad words and R-rated movies and if I’m truly honest, I still know all the lyrics to every single DC Talk song ever written. Ever.

But, I’m divorced.

How did it happen? I get asked that a lot. I’m not going to go down that path. The point is that it happened.

But, I, like many believers had to make a decision that was extremely difficult to make and many of you are making that same decision right now. The decision is between you and God but if I have one little piece of advice to give let it be this, don’t spend your time worrying about what people will think.

In fact, let me clear it up for you…

Years ago I used to think people who divorced did not have a close relationship with God. I thought they had something wrong with them and that if they were truly believers they would have made it. Rest assured, many of them will think that of you too.

And, they’ll likely be wrong. I was wrong.

I never knew anyone who had been divorced personally, I never walked that road and I stood on my hill with the rest of the Pharisees judging from a distance.

Then, it happened to me. I had to make a decision.

I had read so many marriage books that I got sick of seeing them and every single thing that every marriage counselor I had ever seen said was streaming through my mind like a never ending podcast.  I memorized all of those divorce statistics that everyone quotes (as if they’re trying to scare you into staying married).  Until I finally realized something, I’m not a statistic. I’m a human being and a believer who is truly seeking after God’s will for my life.

I got to that place where I did make a decision based upon what I felt like God was leading me (personally) to do and let the chips fall.

I’ve learned over the last 3 years that it does not matter if you are right or wrong, everybody has something to say. Some say it in whispers and stares, others hide behind computer screens posting online as if they’re leaving an anonymous note in your locker.

I’ve learned to do what is right for my family and what I feel like God is leading me to do, I’ve lost a lot, I’ve gained a lot more. It’s not an easy experience, I had to say goodbye to a lot of people I thought were “friends” but I grew closer to my family in process.

My peace with what everyone else thinks did not come easily nor without pain and lots of it. But, I’m older now and I’ve been through a lot. At the end of the day, I walk in peace no matter what storm rages around me and believe me, there are storms. I live a life that I know God has called me to live and that’s that.

What’s the point? If you’re sitting there on the other side of your computer or phone or iPad right now living in the pain of what other people think, let it go. You’ll never please them all and it’s not worth your time anyway.

God has a plan for your life, do not let the whispers and stares from people who know little or nothing of your situation stop God’s plan for you and your family. You were meant for great things, let God be God and lead you into his will for your life.

You know what? Life does not work out the way we planned, mine looks nothing like what I thought it would look like but in the end, it all comes together. Don’t waste another minute worried about someone else’s judgement, ain’t nobody got time for that.

 The Big D: Dealing with Divorce as a Believer

  • Vanessa
    Posted at 04:23h, 11 January Reply

    Amen sister. I am so happy you found the courage to publish this because people need to hear this! Life isn’t over just because there’s a curve ball. His Glory is always there no matter what this crummy life may bring our way. You’re a tough cookie, and I admire you for standing after all you’ve gone through. I’ve always looked up to you and still do to this day!! Bravo!

    • Sarah Roe
      Posted at 20:32h, 11 January Reply

      Thank you, Vanessa! 🙂

  • Kelly
    Posted at 20:53h, 11 January Reply

    Thank you for this message! Your words here are exactly how I felt 4years ago when I made the decision of divorce. Many friends (or so I thought) were lost thru judgement while only knowing a small fraction of the story. But I am happy to say that now I’m a stronger and happier woman with an ever growing love for my Lord & Savior. Each day is a new day that I have been blessed with. Again, thank you for your transparency and words of truth.

  • Mary Scribner
    Posted at 21:17h, 11 January Reply

    You have courage beyond measure, your grace and beauty have only seemed to multiply
    during this time… Judging comes so easy to some
    People I myself have lived with judgement but when
    It’s all said and done there is but one final judge for us..

  • Marla
    Posted at 20:39h, 14 January Reply

    I swear…it’s like you are telling my story every time you write something in this series. I too never imagined I’d walk this road, but here I am. Thank you so much for being such an encouragement!

    • Sarah Roe
      Posted at 20:01h, 15 January Reply

      You’re welcome, Marla!

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