The Big D: Dealing with Divorce as a Believer

There is something that I have wanted to talk about openly for awhile and judging from the response of my facebook question the other day, I think it is a topic we need to discuss.

It’s the big “D” otherwise known as, divorce.

Divorce is that “thing” we all heard about growing up. That “thing” that happened to “those people” but not us. Or, maybe it was that “thing” that did happen in your family and you determined that it would never, ever happen to you.

Quite honestly, I just never really thought about it much.  I had good grades, never got in trouble, I was born again at age 7 and grew up to graduate with a degree in Biblical Studies and a desire to be in the ministry.

I’ve had a personal relationship with Jesus since I was a child and never really strayed from that relationship. By all appearances, I was the last person in the world you would think would go through a divorce.

I blew that appearance when I filed for divorce in 2012. It shocked my family, those closest to me and to be quite honest, it even shocked me.  I sought after God and knew it was the right decision.

After I filed, I felt like I wore some kind of veil of shame. Wrapped up tightly in the guilt of “could I have done more?” and sealed with the stress and turmoil that comes with divorce and life afterwards.

I felt tortured by the marriage classes I had taken at church and the countless sermons I had listened to about marriage and family. Still, to this day, I can hear some of those people in my head. I’m pretty sure every marriage book I owned got sent to Goodwill the very day I filed. I couldn’t even stand to look at them anymore.

While all those emotions were flowing through me, I did know one thing for sure, I knew I was released from my marriage.  I knew and still know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God released me and I had to figure out a way to let all the guilt go.

The guilt and/or shame that I felt came mostly from other people. It was in the looks that I imagined them giving me and the conversations that I could just “feel” were taking place.

Divorce is a funny thing, you lose a spouse and a family. You also lose friends, even the ones that said they’d stick with you. It has a way of throwing your whole world upside down.

About a week after I filed, I made the mistake of continuing to hold a coupon workshop. I cried through the entire thing.  As I was teaching, it dawned on me that my whole “opening act” if you will, was wrapped up in stories about a family that was no longer together.

The bubble of perfection that I was living in had just popped. I had to explain to our children what the word “divorce” meant as they had not ever heard the word before. There were a lot of tears and there have been over the last two years. Divorce hurts everyone no matter how justified it might be however, I do firmly believe what the enemy intends for evil, God can use for good (Genesis 50:20).

I think it’s time for us to discuss this issue as believers. I do not want to discuss the issue as a statistic; I do not want to discuss it with dirty looks and judgment. We’ve all been through a lot in life as life is not perfect and people are messy yet we are the ones Christ died to save. He came for the messy, the less than perfect, the broken and the hurting.

We are those people. I am one of those people.

I’m going to step out there and start an online series of posts relating to going through divorce and thriving as a believer. I am not a therapist, please understand I can only speak from my experiences.

Two things I will preface this with however, first, I will not share the details of my story. All that does is hurt people and this series is not meant to hurt people. Second, I will delete all negative comments, accusations or hate. Life is too short for stuff like that and hurting people don’t need more pain or judgment from anonymous internet users.

In saying all of that, let’s begin. Post your questions, concerns, etc and I will start writing this series around you and what you’re going through and what I’ve been through what God has shown me. If not for anything else, there is freedom in just being honest.

Sarah Ann

Sarah Ann is an author, speaker and media personality committed to honesty, vulnerability and authenticity. She has a passion for empowering people who are willing to be honest and walk out life in Christ together. Sarah holds a Bachelors in Biblical Studies and a Masters in Theology and Apologetics, she also owns a clothing company, Ascent516.com and is the creator of SarahAnnSpeaks.com and the Sarah Ann Speaks Podcast. Sarah is featured daily on GEB TV.